yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
