I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
