I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize