just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
