it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
