Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
