I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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