you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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