is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
