i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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