I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
smell my finger.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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