is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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