idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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