Non-Jews are for practice
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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