I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
