I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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