I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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