i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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