I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
