When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize