yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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