That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
