How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just pynch a tree in the face
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.