There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low