my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties