I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dating After Heartbreak
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake