Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots