from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?