id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire