This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
