i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
