Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
God I need to hump something, right now.
where are my eyebrows?
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