look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
