i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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