did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sober January is a disaster.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
