He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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