I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
