it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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