life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Found your dick twin last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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