I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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