If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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