Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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