Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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