You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
