Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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