We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
