i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
