He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
