she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
