youre lurking in front of me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
