My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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