so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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