you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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