I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
