lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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