ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
