hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
