I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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