so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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