Cold hands, warm shart.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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