I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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