Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
