was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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